21.11.2018 - ...and it's already been a week?!
Bluntly: this is hard.
I spent the last few days in Cork and, during this time, I shut down in the existential dread of not having any type of plan. I spent that evening on a Netflix binge, specifically Christmas movies, because I felt I needed a day to badly cope.
This afternoon, on the bus ride back from Cork, I spent part of the drive writing myself a list of commandments to refer to whenever this gets stressful.
Here is my handwritten list to myself below - note the entrance does not really make sense with the commandments but I wanted to show the honest mental process of this:
Here it is typed out:
You have little to nothing figured out. Upon seeing this, I have decided to explain why you need to figure things out. Otherwise this year will be hellish.
You are always getting caught up in your own head. Try staying away from there for the next few days and take time as what it is: incremental.
In order to make a place feel smaller, you have to reach your arms out wider.
Time is of essence, inherently vital, and needs to be approached like that. It’s easy to believe time is meant to pass without meaning, but I promise it has a lot of meaning.
You have some confinements, believe it or not. Your budget being the most imperative, and your deadline.
Making your own routine is as valid as someone else making it for you.
BE A CAT AND POUNCE.
Your validity does not change with a job, or a place to live, or what could be deemed ‘success.’ You are valid regardless of context.
Listen to things that inspire, read things you look up to, and don’t be afraid to cry. Bottling only works for sodas and beer.
Forgive yourself more often.
LEAN INTO THE DISCOMFORT OF NOT KNOWING IT ALL.
These are your ten commandments.
Love the person always there [with] you,
A lot of people have been so helpful in making me feel solid even from an ocean away, and I am ever so thankful for that. A lot of people consider my move a bit reckless and naive, and I am thankful for you as well. Challenges are good. I love fixing problems, though not as much my own. This is all for learning, for growing. And now I’m gonna be a CAT AND POUNCE because otherwise I’m a sloth and, right now, I need to be a cat.
(unsolidly &) ENTHUSIASTICALLY,